So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
