ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every concussion has its silver lining
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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