There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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