Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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