Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
