I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
