I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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