wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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