your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
