He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
