My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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