Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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