I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
