I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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