i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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