It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
