I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
