even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You made out with two different species that night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
