sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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