I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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