Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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