I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
