i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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