We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
