Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
