I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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