What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
