The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
