16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
