all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There's even glitter on my cock...
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