my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
