God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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