i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
