yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
