i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
