Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
