Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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