If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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