I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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