You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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