champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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