dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
