I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
