Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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