I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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