He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
