So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
