just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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