the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
