Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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