I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
