my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
