dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
