Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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