I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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