Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
