Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
