omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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