Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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