I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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