so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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