All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
