what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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