the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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