I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
