the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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